[A platinum tabby girlcat walks to the podium. She taps the microphone
with her paw a couple times to make sure it works. She starts in a very
squeaky meow…]

Ladies and …

[She stops and clears her throat, then takes a drink from a glass on the
podium. When she speaks again, her meow is a little more controlled]

Ladies and gentlecats, goggies, squirrels, skunk, raccooms, possums, and
all of our offur guests, welcome to the 25th annual Jellicle Ball. We
thank our wonderful guests, and I’m sure we all love dis beautiful
setting in the Ozarks.

This is both a sad and a happy occasion. It is sad in that we are
remembering our dear loved ones who have crossed the Rainbow Bridge
ahead of us. It is a glad event in that we get to renew our
acquaintances with our friends and family. It is also a happy event in
that we get to share our memories of loved ones with the others. It also
allows us kitties to enjoy our friendships with offur species. And we
can take comfort knowing that our beloved friends are now free from pain
and are able to run and play and reunite with others who preceded them.

As we listen to the Calling of Names and to the tributes, if you find
that you need anything – food, water, a warm blanket, or anything else –
just signal to da service staff. Dey is all furry respectful and eager
to please.

Now – us kitties an offur aminals is greatly blessed in that we are able
to live wif hoomins an offurs who love us and share their lives wif us.
Our famblies, an our frenz, an all da strangers dat become friends – we
are all so greatly blessed. All too many kitties an goggies an offurs go
through life never knowing that they are loved. It is for these poor
unfortune that we will be calling Unknown Kitties, house of Bast.

Now, my family and friends, let’s remember those who have gone before us.