Update on my Mom 11/21/08 (OT)

She's been agitated throughout the night and is complaining of unspecific
pain. Sometimes she acts like it's her stomach, other times like its chest
pain. She keeps rolling around on the bed. (BTW, that bed rail and a pile
of pillows on the other side keep her from rolling off.)

She only ate a few bites of food yesterday (egg-a-cup, a fantanstic McQuown
presentation of 3-minute soft boiled eggs with a pat of butter, salt &
pepper served in - what else? a cup More correctly, a coffee mug

I've got calls into the hospice nurse for stronger pain medication. I've
also asked her doctor to come by. The Ativan isn't helping at all with her
agitation this time. Fortunately we got the side rail assembled yesterday
afternoon.. That seems to have helped.

This morning she's very restless. Asking why her husband isn't in bed with
her. Well hell. He wasn't in the same country when I was was born. I have
no idea where he was when my brothers were born. They've had separate
bedrooms since 1975. (Maybe he snuck into her room or vice versa.) Why
isn't he in bed with her is not a question I can answer.

I called my brother last night and asked him to make copies of and send me
the HPOA and Living Will/DNR, Told him last night make a gazillion copies
at your office and mail them to me NOW!

My brother was complaining because the woman who organizes the Thanksgiving
pot luck at the office was sick. So he had to take over cooking an 18 lb
turkey on a Ronco rotisserie. Oh, you poor thing. Your life just sucks,
doesn't it? LOL Our mother is dying but I'm so glad you figured out the
rotisserie and the turkey turned out okay. Asshole.

Jill

"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
She's been agitated throughout the night and is complaining of unspecific
pain. Sometimes she acts like it's her stomach, other times like its
chest pain. She keeps rolling around on the bed. (BTW, that bed rail and
a pile of pillows on the other side keep her from rolling off.)

She only ate a few bites of food yesterday (egg-a-cup, a fantanstic
McQuown presentation of 3-minute soft boiled eggs with a pat of butter,
salt & pepper served in - what else? a cup More correctly, a coffee
mug

I've got calls into the hospice nurse for stronger pain medication. I've
also asked her doctor to come by. The Ativan isn't helping at all with
her agitation this time. Fortunately we got the side rail assembled
yesterday afternoon.. That seems to have helped.

This morning she's very restless. Asking why her husband isn't in bed
with her. Well hell. He wasn't in the same country when I was was born.
I have no idea where he was when my brothers were born. They've had
separate bedrooms since 1975. (Maybe he snuck into her room or vice
versa.) Why isn't he in bed with her is not a question I can answer.


I called my brother last night and asked him to make copies of and send me
the HPOA and Living Will/DNR, Told him last night make a gazillion copies
at your office and mail them to me NOW!

My brother was complaining because the woman who organizes the
Thanksgiving pot luck at the office was sick. So he had to take over
cooking an 18 lb turkey on a Ronco rotisserie. Oh, you poor thing. Your
life just sucks, doesn't it? LOL Our mother is dying but I'm so glad you
figured out the rotisserie and the turkey turned out okay. Asshole.

Jill


Your poor brother. I'm so glad to see he of such great support to you (NOT).
I am also glad to see that even in the midst of all of this, you still have
a sense of humor about the absolute absurd going on in your life. I wish my
sisters could look at the things going on in their lives and laugh about the
most absurd parts to help them get through the difficult stuff.

You rock, Jill.

Bridget

"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
This morning she's very restless. Asking why her husband isn't in bed
with her. Well hell. He wasn't in the same country when I was was born.
I have no idea where he was when my brothers were born. They've had
separate bedrooms since 1975. (Maybe he snuck into her room or vice
versa.) Why isn't he in bed with her is not a question I can answer.

Jill


This is very common. My mother used to ask why my father had not come in to
see her even though he had died many years earlier. I soon learned that it
was useless to try to apply "reason" because Mother simply did not
understand. If she did, she would have forgotten by the next time she
asked -- and she asked on an almost daily basis. I would tell her that he
was not in town, and reassured her that he would not deliberately leave her
alone and that he would be there if he could. That always seemed to comfort
her. There was no purpose in giving her the "realistic" explanation that
Dad had died because that would only hurt her, and then she would not be
able to remember it the next time. It may have been a way for the brain to
create a more soothing enviornment because it meant that she did not have to
deal with the loss of her husband of 56 years.

MaryL

On Sat, 22 Nov 2008 09:39:23 -0600, MaryL wrote:

"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
This morning she's very restless. Asking why her husband isn't in bed
with her. Well hell. He wasn't in the same country when I was was
born. I have no idea where he was when my brothers were born. They've
had separate bedrooms since 1975. (Maybe he snuck into her room or
vice versa.) Why isn't he in bed with her is not a question I can
answer.

Jill


This is very common. My mother used to ask why my father had not come
in to see her even though he had died many years earlier. I soon
learned that it was useless to try to apply "reason" because Mother
simply did not understand. If she did, she would have forgotten by the
next time she asked -- and she asked on an almost daily basis. I would
tell her that he was not in town, and reassured her that he would not
deliberately leave her alone and that he would be there if he could.
That always seemed to comfort her. There was no purpose in giving her
the "realistic" explanation that Dad had died because that would only
hurt her, and then she would not be able to remember it the next time.
It may have been a way for the brain to create a more soothing
enviornment because it meant that she did not have to deal with the loss
of her husband of 56 years.

MaryL

My mother died about six months before my father died. He was already
showing signs of dementia before her death, and, after her death, had a
series of small strokes that rapidly made him more confused. Part of the
time he remembered that she was dead, and part of the time he didn't.
Unfortunately, at the times when he did remember, the grief was as
intense as if he had just lost her a few days earlier.

--
John F. Eldredge --
PGP key available from http://pgp.mit.edu
"Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better
than not to think at all." -- Hypatia of Alexandria

On Nov 22, 9:54�am, "John F. Eldredge" wrote:
On Sat, 22 Nov 2008 09:39:23 -0600, MaryL wrote:
"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
�This morning she's very restless. �Asking why her husband isn't in bed
with her. �Well hell. �He wasn't in the same country when I was was
born. I have no idea where he was when my brothers were born. �They've
had separate bedrooms since 1975. �(Maybe he snuck into her room or
vice versa.) �Why isn't he in bed with her is not a question I can
answer.

�Jill

This is very common. �My mother used to ask why my father had not come
in to see her even though he had died many years earlier. �I soon
learned that it was useless to try to apply "reason" because Mother
simply did not understand. �If she did, she would have forgotten by the
next time she asked -- and she asked on an almost daily basis. �I would
tell her that he was not in town, and reassured her that he would not
deliberately leave her alone and that he would be there if he could.
That always seemed to comfort her. �There was no purpose in giving her
the "realistic" explanation that Dad had died because that would only
hurt her, and then she would not be able to remember it the next time.
It may have been a way for the brain to create a more soothing
enviornment because it meant that she did not have to deal with the loss
of her husband of 56 years.

MaryL

My mother died about six months before my father died. �He was already
showing signs of dementia before her death, and, after her death, had a
series of small strokes that rapidly made him more confused. �Part of the
time he remembered that she was dead, and part of the time he didn't. �
Unfortunately, at the times when he did remember, the grief was as
intense as if he had just lost her a few days earlier.

--
John F. Eldredge --
PGP key available fromhttp://pgp.mit.edu
"Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better
than not to think at all." -- Hypatia of Alexandria- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

That's really sad. I think MaryL is right that there is no good in
trying to
force the patient to live in the present. Let them believe whatever
makes
them happy, and go along with it. That is what my sister and I did,
sometimes
when we left the room *we* had to adjust back to what was reality.

Sherry

"Sherry" wrote in message
...
On Nov 22, 9:54�am, "John F. Eldredge" wrote:
On Sat, 22 Nov 2008 09:39:23 -0600, MaryL wrote:
"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
�This morning she's very restless. �Asking why her husband isn't in bed
with her. �Well hell. �He wasn't in the same country when I was was
born. I have no idea where he was when my brothers were born. �They've
had separate bedrooms since 1975. �(Maybe he snuck into her room or
vice versa.) �Why isn't he in bed with her is not a question I can
answer.

�Jill

This is very common. �My mother used to ask why my father had not come
in to see her even though he had died many years earlier. �I soon
learned that it was useless to try to apply "reason" because Mother
simply did not understand. �If she did, she would have forgotten by the
next time she asked -- and she asked on an almost daily basis. �I would
tell her that he was not in town, and reassured her that he would not
deliberately leave her alone and that he would be there if he could.
That always seemed to comfort her. �There was no purpose in giving her
the "realistic" explanation that Dad had died because that would only
hurt her, and then she would not be able to remember it the next time.
It may have been a way for the brain to create a more soothing
enviornment because it meant that she did not have to deal with the loss
of her husband of 56 years.

MaryL

My mother died about six months before my father died. �He was already
showing signs of dementia before her death, and, after her death, had a
series of small strokes that rapidly made him more confused. �Part of the
time he remembered that she was dead, and part of the time he didn't. �
Unfortunately, at the times when he did remember, the grief was as
intense as if he had just lost her a few days earlier.

--
John F. Eldredge --
PGP key available fromhttp://pgp.mit.edu
"Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better
than not to think at all." -- Hypatia of Alexandria- Hide quoted text -

- Show quoted text -

That's really sad. I think MaryL is right that there is no good in
trying to
force the patient to live in the present. Let them believe whatever
makes
them happy, and go along with it. That is what my sister and I did,
sometimes
when we left the room *we* had to adjust back to what was reality.

Sherry

Yes, that's exactly what worked for my mother, and I hope it would work with
Jill's. Mother sometime would even say that a friend had visited earlier
that day. The friend would be someone she went to school with 70 years ago.
I tried to explain that she must be mistaken the first couple of times it
happened, then I realized that she simply could not be able to comprehend.
It was better for her to simply accept that and have a nice conversation
about the "visit."

MaryL

On Nov 22, 5:51*am, "jmcquown" wrote:

My brother was complaining because the woman who organizes the Thanksgiving
pot luck at the office was sick. *So he had to take over cooking an 18 lb
turkey on a Ronco rotisserie. *Oh, you poor thing. *Your life just sucks,
doesn't it? *LOL *Our mother is dying but I'm so glad you figured out the
rotisserie and the turkey turned out okay. *Asshole.


Dear Jill

The more I hear about your brother the more I want to meet
him.....armed and extrenely dangerous!

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs