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Strange Senior Moments - Odds & Ends



 
 
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Old January 13th 06, 10:33 AM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
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Default Strange Senior Moments - Odds & Ends

Women and cats will do as they please.

Men and dogs should just relax and try to get used to the idea. AIN'T THAT
THE TRUTH


The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is because otherwise
they would have to try to make a living under the laws they'd passed.

____________________________________________

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor
and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. "Young
man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have 45
minutes."

They were seated immediately.

____________________________________________

I was in the express lane at the store.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the
fast-check-out-line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

The cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and
asked, "So which six items would you like to buy?" Imagine my delight!

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the
aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom: the bride kissed her
father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews
responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her
father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

____________________________________________

Women and cats will do as they please.

Men and dogs should just relax and try to get used to the idea.

____________________________________________

Three friends from the local congregation were asked: "When you're in your
casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what
would you like them to say?

Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man".

Ernest commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and
servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives".

Bob said: "I'd like them to say, "Look...... he's moving!"

____________________________________________

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord. . . "God, what does a million years mean to
you?" The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith then asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute".

____________________________________________

An old woman goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" she
has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says

"Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put
the curse on you." The old woman says without hesitation, "I now pronounce
you man and wife."

____________________________________________

A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I
have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?" The man
replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then
pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"

The Rabbi Then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I
can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls the man
and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three
hours. You want my advice?"

The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison."





 




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