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OT This one is for you catnipped You Might Be From Texas if.........
This one is for you catnipped and you other texans U R A Texan If: 1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Burnet, Boerne, Nacogdoches, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Waxahachie. 2. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel. 3. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. 4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade. 5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks. 6. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals. 7. You measure distance in minutes. 8. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions. 9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean. 10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit. 11. You know cowpies are not made of beef. 12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date. 13. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist. 14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store. 15. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it. 16. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol; a Ford F350 4x4 is. 17. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressin'. 18. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply. 19. You actually understand this and you are "fixin' to" send it to your friends. 20. Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation: "You wanna coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper!" |
#2
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OT This one is for you catnipped You Might Be From Texas if.........
"Matthew AKA NMR ( NO MORE RETAIL )" 10 points a troll
@linethetrollsup.com wrote in message ... This one is for you catnipped and you other texans U R A Texan If: 1. You can properly pronounce Corsicana, Palestine, Decatur, Wichita Falls, San Antonio, Burnet, Boerne, Nacogdoches, Mexia, Waco, Amarillo, and Waxahachie. 2. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel. 3. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day. LOL! We've had to switch from heat to A/C, back to heat, and then back to A/C in a 24 hour time span. Just a couple of weeks ago temps went from 85 in the afternoon down to 31 that night, then back up to 80 a day later! 4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade. Very, *VERY* true! 5. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks. 6. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals. 7. You measure distance in minutes. 8. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions. 9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean. 10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit. 11. You know cowpies are not made of beef. 12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date. 13. You have known someone who has had a belt buckle bigger than your fist. 14. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store. 15. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it. 16. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol; a Ford F350 4x4 is. 17. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressin'. 18. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply. 19. You actually understand this and you are "fixin' to" send it to your friends. I'm fixin' to do that right now! ; -- Hugs, CatNipped See all my masters at: http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped/ 20. Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation: "You wanna coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper!" |
#3
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OT This one is for you catnipped You Might Be From Texas if.........
On Mon 20 Mar 2006 06:50:54p, Matthew AKA NMR ( NO MORE RETAIL )
wrote in rec.pets.cats.anecdotes m): This one is for you catnipped and you other texans U R A Texan If: Those are great! Now time to poke fun at my home state of "Merlin" The Merlin (Maryland) Dialect is spoken by a mixed population which inhabits a triangular area on the western littoral of the Chesapeake Bay, bounded roughly by a line commencing at Towson's Toyota, then westward to the Frederick Mall, thence following the western border of the cable TV franchise and the string of McDonalds' along Route 50 to the Bay. All of these lands and the natives thereof are known as the Land of Merlin. They divide it further into semi-tribal areas called Cannies "COUNTIES" (e.g.,Ballmer Canny, PeeJee Canny, Hard Canny, etc.). The dialect area is centered on a market center called Glimburny, where the people come on weekends to trade their goods. Because of the numerous words and phrases common to both Merlin Dialect and modern English, linguists have long postulated that there is some kinship between the two. Speakers of Merlin Dialect are all able to understand standard English from babyhood, chiefly because of their voracious appetite for television. However, they invariably refuse to speak standard English, even with outsiders who obviously are not understanding a word they say. LESSON 1 - VOCABULARY Ballmer - Our city Merlin - Our State Arn - What you do to wrinkled clothes Bulled Egg - An egg cooked in water Jeet - How we say "Did you eat"? Chest Peak - A large nearby body of water Colleyflare - A white vegetable Downey Owe Shin - Summertime destination "Down to the ocean" (such as Ayshun City) Droodle Pork - Druid Hill Park Faren Gins - Red trucks that put out fires Hi Hon - How we always say "hello" Holluntown - Highland Town Meedjum - The grassy area between lanes of a highway Nap Lis - State of Merlin capital Ole Bay - What our crabs taste like Oreos - Not a cookie, but our baseball team Payment - That strip of cement that you walk on PohLeese - Those guys in uniform that git ya when you're speeding Share - Hot water that cleans you in the morning Flares - Such as tulips Tarred - What happens when you work too hard Warsh - What we do with dirty clothes Warter - What we drink (can also be Wooter) Winders - Those glass things that we look out of Paramore Power mower Brawl - Broil Sem elem - Seven Eleven Allanic - an ocean Arnjuice - from the sunshine tree Arouwn in all directions - norf, souf, ees, and wess Aspern - what you take for headaches Bald - some people like their eggs this way Bawler - what the plumber calls your furnace Beeno - a famous railroad Calf Lick - bleevers are Protestant, Jewish, and . Canny - a state gubmit division, such as Anne Arundel or Prince George's -- Cheryl |
#4
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OT This one is for you catnipped You Might Be From Texas if.........
I've been gone for forty years, and lived in Rockville, so never had the
full benefit of the Merlin accent. But after reading this I'd kill for a Crab Cake and will be talking funny for a week. Jo "Cheryl" wrote in message ... On Mon 20 Mar 2006 06:50:54p, Matthew AKA NMR ( NO MORE RETAIL ) wrote in rec.pets.cats.anecdotes m): This one is for you catnipped and you other texans U R A Texan If: Those are great! Now time to poke fun at my home state of "Merlin" The Merlin (Maryland) Dialect is spoken by a mixed population which inhabits a triangular area on the western littoral of the Chesapeake Bay, bounded roughly by a line commencing at Towson's Toyota, then westward to the Frederick Mall, thence following the western border of the cable TV franchise and the string of McDonalds' along Route 50 to the Bay. All of these lands and the natives thereof are known as the Land of Merlin. They divide it further into semi-tribal areas called Cannies "COUNTIES" (e.g.,Ballmer Canny, PeeJee Canny, Hard Canny, etc.). The dialect area is centered on a market center called Glimburny, where the people come on weekends to trade their goods. Because of the numerous words and phrases common to both Merlin Dialect and modern English, linguists have long postulated that there is some kinship between the two. Speakers of Merlin Dialect are all able to understand standard English from babyhood, chiefly because of their voracious appetite for television. However, they invariably refuse to speak standard English, even with outsiders who obviously are not understanding a word they say. LESSON 1 - VOCABULARY Ballmer - Our city Merlin - Our State Arn - What you do to wrinkled clothes Bulled Egg - An egg cooked in water Jeet - How we say "Did you eat"? Chest Peak - A large nearby body of water Colleyflare - A white vegetable Downey Owe Shin - Summertime destination "Down to the ocean" (such as Ayshun City) Droodle Pork - Druid Hill Park Faren Gins - Red trucks that put out fires Hi Hon - How we always say "hello" Holluntown - Highland Town Meedjum - The grassy area between lanes of a highway Nap Lis - State of Merlin capital Ole Bay - What our crabs taste like Oreos - Not a cookie, but our baseball team Payment - That strip of cement that you walk on PohLeese - Those guys in uniform that git ya when you're speeding Share - Hot water that cleans you in the morning Flares - Such as tulips Tarred - What happens when you work too hard Warsh - What we do with dirty clothes Warter - What we drink (can also be Wooter) Winders - Those glass things that we look out of Paramore Power mower Brawl - Broil Sem elem - Seven Eleven Allanic - an ocean Arnjuice - from the sunshine tree Arouwn in all directions - norf, souf, ees, and wess Aspern - what you take for headaches Bald - some people like their eggs this way Bawler - what the plumber calls your furnace Beeno - a famous railroad Calf Lick - bleevers are Protestant, Jewish, and . Canny - a state gubmit division, such as Anne Arundel or Prince George's -- Cheryl |
#5
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OT This one is for you catnipped You Might Be From Texas if.........
On Mon 20 Mar 2006 07:44:56p, Jo Firey wrote in
rec.pets.cats.anecdotes ): I've been gone for forty years, and lived in Rockville, so never had the full benefit of the Merlin accent. But after reading this I'd kill for a Crab Cake and will be talking funny for a week. Yeah, I don't have that dialect, either, but plenty of people I know talk like that. I live closer to Annapolis, and I work in Rockville. All of the jokes about the DC area and the commute apply to me! -- Cheryl |
#6
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Since I poked fun at texas it is my turn about Kentucky and Florida...
Kentucky Jokes
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names STATE OF KENTUCKY RESIDENCY APPLICATION Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse's Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) __ Total number of vehicles you own __ Number of vehicles that still crank __ Number of vehicles in front yard __ Number of vehicles in back yard __ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_ Do you have a gun rack? (_) Yes (_) No; please explain: Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_) The National Enquirer (_) The Globe (_) TV Guide (_) Soap Opera Digest (_) Rifle and Shotgun ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Not Applicable Color of teeth: (_)Yellow (_)Brownish-Yellow (_)Brown (_)Black (_)N/A Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know Dumb Kentucky Laws Any person who appears on any highway, or upon the street of any city that has no police protection, when clothed only in ordinary bathing garb, shall be fined no less than five dollars nor more than twenty-five dollars." - KRS 436.140 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1974) No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored; nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits; nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.) No person owning or controlling a billiard or pool table shall permit, for compensation or reward, any minor under eighteen (18) years of age to play any game on the table, unless such minor shall have first displayed an identification card containing his name, age, photograph, and the signature of his parents or guardian. The minor shall keep such identification card on his person, and it shall be subject to inspection at any time by any peace officer. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall keep and maintain a registration book in which each minor shall sign. The person owning or controlling such billiard or pool table shall supply a blank identification card to each parent or guardian who makes request for same. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than ten ($10) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100) for each offense. -KRS 436.320 (Passed 1893; Amended in 1954, Ky. Acts ch. 232, sec. 1) Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection withany religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.). It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky. It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License. All bees entering Kentucky shall be accompanied by certificates of health, stating that the apiary from which the bees came was free from contagious or infectious disease. -KRS 252.130 (Passed in 1922; Repealed in 1948) Lexington It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket. By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." Owensboro A woman may not buy a hat without her husband's permission. Why don't they teach sex education to hillbillies? The farm animals can't handle it. Did you hear about the Kentucky Wildcat who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can't touch it till she's fourteen. What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a Kentoucky Wildcat graduate? The good ol' boy raises livestock. The Kentucky graduate gets emotionally involved. What do you call a virgin in Kentucky? A girl who can out run her Brothers Q: Why didn't the Kentucky man want his son to marry a virgin? A: Because if she isn't good enough for her brothers, she isn't good enough for our family. Q: Why do folks in Eastern Kentucky go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more? A: 'Cuz 17 and under are not admitted. Florida Jokes Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids Dumb Florida Laws Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. It is illegal to skateboard without a license. You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays. It is considered an offense to shower naked. You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers. You may not kiss your wife's breasts. Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging. It is illegal to block any traveled wagon road. Big Pine Key It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have to go to jail. Cape Coral It is against the city ordinance to hang your clothes outside on a clothesline. It it illegal to park a pick-up truck in your driveway or in front of your house on the street. This law is limited to only those who do not own the house. (Repealed 2000) Daytona Beach The molestation of trash cans is banned. Sec. 10-56. While intoxicated, under influence of narcotics, prohibited. It shall be unlawful for any person to swim or bathe in that portion of the Atlantic Ocean within the corporate limits of the city when under the influence of intoxicating liquor or narcotic drugs to the extent that his or her normal faculties are impaired. (Code 1955, ? 28-64) Sec. 22-44. Storage, depositing prohibited. It shall be unlawful for any person, either as owner, occupant, lessee, agent, tenant, or otherwise, to store or deposit, or cause or permit to be stored or deposited, any abandoned, junked or discarded motor vehicle or motor vehicles upon any public or private property within the city. (Code 1955, ? 20-11) Sec. 18-2. Weeds, trash, etc., as a public nuisance; removal by property owner or by city at owner's expense; notice and hearing; lien for expenses. (a) The existence of weeds, trash, undergrowth, brush, filth, garbage or other refuse on any lot, tract or parcel of land within the city which has caused the property to become, or which may reasonably cause the property to become infested, or inhabited by rodents, vermin or wild animals, or may furnish a breeding place for mosquitoes or threatens the public health, safety or welfare, or may reasonably cause disease or adversely affects and impairs the economic welfare of the adjacent property, is declared to constitute a public nuisance and is hereby prohibited. Hialeah Ambling and strolling is a misdemeanor. Jupiter Inlet Colony Inlet Sec. 3-1. Bird sanctuary declared. (a) It is hereby declared that all territory embraced within the corporate limits of the municipality shall be a bird sanctuary. (b) It shall be unlawful for any person within the municipality to shoot, trap or in any manner kill, wound or maim any bird of any kind, or at any time to throw at any birds of any kind any missile with slingshots or any other weapon, or to disturb their eggs or their young or their nests. (Ord. No. 8-59, ?? 1, 2, 8-10-59) Key West Chickens are considered a 'protected species'. Miami It is illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Sec. 8-3. Bell or other warning device. No person shall operate a bicycle unless it is equipped with a bell or device capable of giving a signal audible for a distance of at least 100 feet, but no bicycle shall be equipped with, nor shall any person use upon a bicycle, any siren or whistle. (Code 1967, ? 8-3; Code 1980, ? 8-3) Pensacola Citizens may not be caught downtown without at least 10 dollars on their person. It is illegal to roll a barrel on any street, fines go up according to the contents of the barrel. A women can be fined (only after death), for being electrocuted in a bath-tub because of using self-beautification utensils. Pinecrest In order to operate a burglar alarm, a permit must be obtained. Sec. 12-23. Registration required; application; transferability; false statements. (a)All persons must complete and submit to the village an emergency contact registration form for their alarm if they operate or cause to be operated an alarm system in the village. A separate registration is required for each alarm system. Upon receipt of a completed registration form, the police department shall issue a numbered alarm sticker to the applicant to facilitate retrieval of registration information. (Ord. No. 97-17, ? 1, 10-14-97) Sanford Stage nudity is banned, with the exception of "bona fide" theatrical performances. Violating this ordinance results in a $100 fine. Sarasota If you hit a pedestrian you are fined $78.00. You may not catch crabs. Tampa Bay It is illegal to eat cottage cheese on Sunday after 6:00 P.M. Florida State Mottos FLORIDA: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive. FLORIDA: We count more than you do. FLORIDA: If you don't like the way we count then take I-95 and visit one of the other 56 states. FLORIDA: We've been Gored by the bull of politics and we're Bushed. FLORIDA: Relax...Retire...ReVote. FLORIDA: What comes after 17,311? FLORIDA: Where your vote counts...and counts...and counts... FLORIDA: We don't just cheat in football. FLORIDA: We're number one! Wait! Recount! Palm Beach County: So nice, we let you vote twice. Palm Beach County: We put the "duh" in Florida. FLORIDA: Home of electile dysfunction. FLORIDA: We count more than you do. FLORIDA: This is what you get for taking Elian away from us. FLORIDA: This isn't good when Alabama counts faster than us! FLORIDA: Once is never enough! FLORIDA: We would do a recount but we've run out of fingers and toes! FLORIDA: Don't blame me, I voted for Gore, I think. FLORIDA: Don't blame me, my vote didn't count. FLORIDA: We're retired --no wait-- we're retarded! FLORIDA: Don't count on us! FLORIDA: Home of the edible chad. FLORIDA: Bumbling better than ever! Defining terms C - Can H - Help A - All D - Democrats |
#7
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OT This one is for you catnipped You Might Be From Texas if.........
On Mon, 20 Mar 2006 23:50:54 GMT, "Matthew AKA NMR \( NO MORE RETAIL
\)" 10 points a troll @linethetrollsup.com wrote: This one is for you catnipped and you other texans U R A Texan If: And I thought there were only two ways to tell if you were a Texan: you were born there or you had shed blood on Texas soil. I did the latter while I was living in Corpus Christi. -- T.E.D. ) |
#8
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OT This one is for you catnipped You Might Be From Texas if.........
"Ted Davis" wrote in message
... On Mon, 20 Mar 2006 23:50:54 GMT, "Matthew AKA NMR \( NO MORE RETAIL \)" 10 points a troll @linethetrollsup.com wrote: This one is for you catnipped and you other texans U R A Texan If: And I thought there were only two ways to tell if you were a Texan: you were born there or you had shed blood on Texas soil. I did the latter while I was living in Corpus Christi. Klutz that I am, I've shed blood here since I moved. There are bumper stickers that voice my sentiments that read, "I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as fast as I could." -- Hugs, CatNipped See all my masters at: http://www.PossiblePlaces.com/CatNipped/ -- T.E.D. ) |
#9
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OT This one is for you catnipped You Might Be From Texas if.........
On 2006-03-21, CatNipped penned:
Klutz that I am, I've shed blood here since I moved. There are bumper stickers that voice my sentiments that read, "I wasn't born in Texas, but I got here as fast as I could." I've seen the same sticker, except with Boulder as the place. It made particular sense to me, because a lot of native Boulderites have stickers on their cars proclaiming "Boulder Native" or similar. Come to think of it, the same is probably true in Texas. -- monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca |
#10
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OT This one is for you catnipped You Might Be From Texas if.........
BWAHAHAHAHA! Thanks, Cheryl! Forwarded on to many... giggle
Cappy Edgewater, Merlin, in Annrunnel Canny "Cheryl" wrote in message ... On Mon 20 Mar 2006 06:50:54p, Matthew AKA NMR ( NO MORE RETAIL ) wrote in rec.pets.cats.anecdotes m): This one is for you catnipped and you other texans U R A Texan If: Those are great! Now time to poke fun at my home state of "Merlin" The Merlin (Maryland) Dialect is spoken by a mixed population which inhabits a triangular area on the western littoral of the Chesapeake Bay, bounded roughly by a line commencing at Towson's Toyota, then westward to the Frederick Mall, thence following the western border of the cable TV franchise and the string of McDonalds' along Route 50 to the Bay. All of these lands and the natives thereof are known as the Land of Merlin. They divide it further into semi-tribal areas called Cannies "COUNTIES" (e.g.,Ballmer Canny, PeeJee Canny, Hard Canny, etc.). The dialect area is centered on a market center called Glimburny, where the people come on weekends to trade their goods. Because of the numerous words and phrases common to both Merlin Dialect and modern English, linguists have long postulated that there is some kinship between the two. Speakers of Merlin Dialect are all able to understand standard English from babyhood, chiefly because of their voracious appetite for television. However, they invariably refuse to speak standard English, even with outsiders who obviously are not understanding a word they say. LESSON 1 - VOCABULARY Ballmer - Our city Merlin - Our State Arn - What you do to wrinkled clothes Bulled Egg - An egg cooked in water Jeet - How we say "Did you eat"? Chest Peak - A large nearby body of water Colleyflare - A white vegetable Downey Owe Shin - Summertime destination "Down to the ocean" (such as Ayshun City) Droodle Pork - Druid Hill Park Faren Gins - Red trucks that put out fires Hi Hon - How we always say "hello" Holluntown - Highland Town Meedjum - The grassy area between lanes of a highway Nap Lis - State of Merlin capital Ole Bay - What our crabs taste like Oreos - Not a cookie, but our baseball team Payment - That strip of cement that you walk on PohLeese - Those guys in uniform that git ya when you're speeding Share - Hot water that cleans you in the morning Flares - Such as tulips Tarred - What happens when you work too hard Warsh - What we do with dirty clothes Warter - What we drink (can also be Wooter) Winders - Those glass things that we look out of Paramore Power mower Brawl - Broil Sem elem - Seven Eleven Allanic - an ocean Arnjuice - from the sunshine tree Arouwn in all directions - norf, souf, ees, and wess Aspern - what you take for headaches Bald - some people like their eggs this way Bawler - what the plumber calls your furnace Beeno - a famous railroad Calf Lick - bleevers are Protestant, Jewish, and . Canny - a state gubmit division, such as Anne Arundel or Prince George's -- Cheryl |
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