Purrs also for my father, please?

Purrs in abundance, my FIL is in a similar place, increasing dementia
and a failing heart, it's hard on relatives to see this happen to a
loved one.

{{{{{Jill}}}}}

--
Shirley
http://community.webshots.com/user/shirleycatuk


"jmcquown" wrote in message
...
Most of you know about his cancer. Some of you know about his
mental health
not being so good; he's falling further into that chasm known as
Altzheimers.

I called him yesterday morning and he didn't know who I was. He was
going
on and on about some check his *wife* (you mean my mother?!) had
sent to
some guy named Edwin and he wanted his money back. I kept asking
him what
he was talking about. He finally said, "Who am I talking to?" I
said,
"It's Jill." "Jill? My daughter, Jill? How did you get on the
phone?"
(huge sigh) Dad, I called you and you answered the phone. He
really had no
idea who he was talking to.

I feel so sorry for my mom. Thank goodness she's cognizant but I
have no
idea how she deals with this day in and day out. I keep offering to
go down
there and help out but I'm told no. I can't force them to let me
come visit
so I'm just sitting up here frustrated. Mom has the patience of a
saint;
that's all I can say.

Jill

On 2006-04-11, jmcquown penned:
Most of you know about his cancer. Some of you know about his
mental health not being so good; he's falling further into that
chasm known as Altzheimers.

I called him yesterday morning and he didn't know who I was. He was
going on and on about some check his *wife* (you mean my mother?!)
had sent to some guy named Edwin and he wanted his money back. I
kept asking him what he was talking about. He finally said, "Who am
I talking to?" I said, "It's Jill." "Jill? My daughter, Jill?
How did you get on the phone?" (huge sigh) Dad, I called you and
you answered the phone. He really had no idea who he was talking
to.

I feel so sorry for my mom. Thank goodness she's cognizant but I
have no idea how she deals with this day in and day out. I keep
offering to go down there and help out but I'm told no. I can't
force them to let me come visit so I'm just sitting up here
frustrated. Mom has the patience of a saint; that's all I can say.


I'm so sorry. Alzheimer's is cruel. Purrs for you and your parents.

--
monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully

pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca

On 2006-04-11, penned:

The only thing I can suggest is that instead of asking them if you
can come down, is to put it another way maybe, and say something
like "mum I have some time off work and could do with a holiday, can
I come and stay with you for a while?" - don't know if it would work
for you, but it does for me, that way my mum thinks she's going to
be looking after me and makes a fuss (for about 24 hours) then I
take over.


That sounds like a very good idea with a high chance of success, if
Jill can handle the stress of being there. (But in some senses, the
stress of not being there may be even worse.)

--
monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully

pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca

On 2006-04-11, Enfilade penned:

I remember during high school, my best friend's grandma had
Alzheimers and after the day she left the stove on all day and
started a fire, her family realized they could not leave her alone.
When her mom was at work and her dad was in the fields farming, my
friend had to "baby sit" her grandma; she was always grateful that I
didn't mind coming over and finding something to do in the house as
opposed to going out, nor did I mind her grandmother's strange
conversations or inability to remember who I was.

It's so hard. My maternal grandmother lives in Germany, alone in an
apartment. Her neighbors are afraid that she will burn down the
apartment for similar reasons, although I don't think there's been a
fire yet, just horrible smells. She refuses to move to an assisted
living facility, claiming that she couldn't take her dog (which isn't
true, and in any case her dog is young and would be better off with a
more active owner).

To add to all of this, my grandmother can be mean as a snake. She's
extremely self-centered and she expects her neighbors to do everything
for her without a word of thanks. It's just expected.

*sigh*

My mother is tormented by guilt when she's away from her mom, and just
plain tormented when she's near.

--
monique, who spoils Oscar unmercifully

pictures: http://www.bounceswoosh.org/rpca

On Tue, 11 Apr 2006 13:31:13 -0600, "Monique Y. Mudama"
wrote:

On 2006-04-11, Enfilade penned:

I remember during high school, my best friend's grandma had
Alzheimers and after the day she left the stove on all day and
started a fire, her family realized they could not leave her alone.
When her mom was at work and her dad was in the fields farming, my
friend had to "baby sit" her grandma; she was always grateful that I
didn't mind coming over and finding something to do in the house as
opposed to going out, nor did I mind her grandmother's strange
conversations or inability to remember who I was.

It's so hard. My maternal grandmother lives in Germany, alone in an
apartment. Her neighbors are afraid that she will burn down the
apartment for similar reasons, although I don't think there's been a
fire yet, just horrible smells. She refuses to move to an assisted
living facility, claiming that she couldn't take her dog (which isn't
true, and in any case her dog is young and would be better off with a
more active owner).

To add to all of this, my grandmother can be mean as a snake. She's
extremely self-centered and she expects her neighbors to do everything
for her without a word of thanks. It's just expected.

*sigh*

My mother is tormented by guilt when she's away from her mom, and just
plain tormented when she's near.

Unfortunately, when people develop dementia, whether Alzheimer's
Syndrome or otherwise, their personalities often suffer. My father
had dementia for the last three years or so of his life, both a
steadily-progressing kind that caused visual hallucinations and also
vascular dementia, which is to say a series of small strokes that
affected his memory and reasoning abilities more than it did his
physical abilities. He turned physically aggressive in his last few
months, and started to swear and make occasional racist remarks, none
of which had been characteristic of him earlier in life.

--
John F. Eldredge --
PGP key available from http://pgp.mit.edu
"Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better
than not to think at all." -- Hypatia of Alexandria

jmcquown wrote:
Most of you know about his cancer. Some of you know about his mental
health not being so good; he's falling further into that chasm known
as Altzheimers.

Purrs for your dad and especially your mum and you. It must be very hard
to watch. Oh, and purrs for John too.


--
Marina, Miranda and Caliban. In loving memory of Frank and Nikki.
marina (dot) kurten (at) iki (dot) fi
Stories and pics at http://koti.welho.com/mkurten/
Pics at http://uk.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/frankiennikki/
and http://community.webshots.com/user/frankiennikki

jmcquown wrote:
Most of you know about his cancer. Some of you know about his mental health
not being so good; he's falling further into that chasm known as
Altzheimers.

I called him yesterday morning and he didn't know who I was. He was going
on and on about some check his *wife* (you mean my mother?!) had sent to
some guy named Edwin and he wanted his money back. I kept asking him what
he was talking about. He finally said, "Who am I talking to?" I said,
"It's Jill." "Jill? My daughter, Jill? How did you get on the phone?"
(huge sigh) Dad, I called you and you answered the phone. He really had no
idea who he was talking to.

I feel so sorry for my mom. Thank goodness she's cognizant but I have no
idea how she deals with this day in and day out. I keep offering to go down
there and help out but I'm told no. I can't force them to let me come visit
so I'm just sitting up here frustrated. Mom has the patience of a saint;
that's all I can say.

Jill


Having dealt with that through my wife's parents over the past few years
you have my complete sympathy. Alzheimer's affects the caregivers
almost as much as the patience. Mistletoe sends extra purrs for Persia
to share with you on Missy's behalf.

--
Sam, closely supervised by Mistletoe

Hugs and purrs, Jill. Between the tornadoes and the cancer and the
Alzheimers, you're having a very tough time, right now. I hope things
improve soon.

Melissa

"John F. Eldredge" wrote in message
...

Unfortunately, when people develop dementia, whether Alzheimer's
Syndrome or otherwise, their personalities often suffer. My father
had dementia for the last three years or so of his life, both a
steadily-progressing kind that caused visual hallucinations and also
vascular dementia, which is to say a series of small strokes that
affected his memory and reasoning abilities more than it did his
physical abilities. He turned physically aggressive in his last few
months, and started to swear and make occasional racist remarks,
none
of which had been characteristic of him earlier in life.

This is what is exactly what is happening with my FIL sudden
aggressive/abusive outbursts and hallucinations (visual and auditory -
he hears things ) caused by his brain not getting enough oxygen
because of strokes and a very weak heart. It's heartbreaking to watch
the changes in a once articulate and eloquent man.

--
Shirley
http://community.webshots.com/user/shirleycatuk