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Cat Miracle Diet



 
 
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Old April 2nd 06, 08:26 PM posted to rec.pets.cats.anecdotes
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Default Cat Miracle Diet

Cat Miracle Diet

Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For
those us who have never had any success dieting, now there is the new Cat
Miracle Diet!

Most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The Cat Miracle Diet will
help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for 4
days and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will
have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!


DAY ONE

Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it
cost more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of
food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at
the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the
cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing.
Leave the rest to die.

Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate.
Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one
small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half on the sofa.
Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened this
morning.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: Picking up the remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it
onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on the corner of
the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.

Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the
dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of
the middle of the loaf.

Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into the house. Play toss
and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead. Allow it to escape under
the bed.

Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna or beef
works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the
living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave.
Track footprints across the entire room.

DAY THREE

Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal
bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished
aluminum appliance you can find.

Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house. Play with it on top
of your down-filled comforter. Make sure the bird is seriously injured but
not dead before you abandon it for someone else to have to deal with.

Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of
your own. Take three licks/laps, and then turn the bowl over on the floor.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast: Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs,
wings, and antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the
bugs and all the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.

Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers
your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin across the
floor several times. Chew on it in a corner and then abandon.

Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor that
is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the
gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.


 




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