Purrs? PLEASE!

On 30 Dez., 22:36, Lesley wrote:
Here we are sitting around waiting for our takeaway when the next
bombshell lands on us!

I don't know if I mentioned it before but Dave's dad has vascular
dementia and over the last year or two we've had to the occasional
call from his mum about "one of his turns" (Dave doesn't know half of
it his mum insists I can't tell him - his dad will just go and on a
few occasions she's had to hide in the bathroom because she's
terrified and he's *kicked in doors he's a sweet gentle guy who never
did no-one harm it's so cruel he's got this he isn't even 70 and its
put paid to the long happy retirement they planned) then she called
Boxing Day because he had a turn then yesterday he thought his other
son and kids were there (Dave's mum said they were going to Sonia's
dad- Sonia is my sort of SIL- Dave's mum regards me as a daughter even
through we are not married- for this Xmas since Sonia's mum died this
year but I do wonder whether she put them off) *then she calls me
today almost in tears he's had two " really bad turns" today. Her
health isn't that good and she's coping on her own with no support-
apparently the nurses come every couple of months and he's always okay
when they come and also I strongly suspect she's been covering up but
now she's at her wits end.

He drove off after one of the "turns" and came back 10 minutes later,
fine again. I am not sure he should be driving but Dave's mum insists
he has been passed as fit to drive *from a couple of things she has
let slip I have a sneaking feeling he did lose his license for a while
and drove when he shouldn't have. Dave's mum can't drive and they live
on the outskirts of town so she needs him to be able to drive so I
don't know to what extent she's trying to ignore that, she has
crippling meniere's disease and can't go out on her own.

Worse still, her other son Adam, she tells me is "in denial" about
this. Dave now feels he ought to email Adam ( we don't have a phone
number- long story basically Dave ran away from home when he was 16
and didn't get back in contact with his parents for a long time so
contacts with Adam tend to be Xmas cards and that's about it) but he
doesn't know what Adam knows so it's really hard to phrase a nice
email along the lines iof "Dad's losing the plot- we need to talk"

All I can really do is tell her she needs to talk to his specialist
and be more honest about what's going down and to ask for some more
help and support. Also my friend Alan, is something in mental health
care for the elderly so I should see him Wednesday and I can ask him
what he suggests

Of course it doesn't greatly help she firmly believes in "richer and
poorer in sickness and in health" etc *and although she doesn't say it
out loud I think she's worried he may need to go in a home

So I may be overdrawn at the purr bank but would the furry managers
see fit to extending my purr overdraft?

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

An abundance of purrs coming from here.
Lots of good wishes and good thoughts.

Bettina

Lesley wrote:
Here we are sitting around waiting for our takeaway when the next
bombshell lands on us!
snip

What a difficult situation for everyone. Purrs for Dave's dad and all the
family.
--
Adrian (Owned by Snoopy & Bagheera)
Cats leave pawprints on your heart
http://community.webshots.com/user/clowderuk

On Dec 31, 2:47*am, "Adrian" wrote:


What a difficult situation for everyone. Purrs for Dave's dad and all the
family.


Dave's mum called, she's spoken to the nurse and been told to increase
his sedatives and to get the doctor in the check him over so the
doctors coming at 5.50 tonight and the nurse will pop round next week
to see what can be sorted out

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Purrs on the way.
Ann

--
read Sam's blog at http://kittens-3.blogspot.com/

"Lesley" wrote in message
...
Here we are sitting around waiting for our takeaway when the next
bombshell lands on us!

I don't know if I mentioned it before but Dave's dad has vascular
dementia and over the last year or two we've had to the occasional
call from his mum about "one of his turns" (Dave doesn't know half of
it his mum insists I can't tell him - his dad will just go and on a
few occasions she's had to hide in the bathroom because she's
terrified and he's kicked in doors he's a sweet gentle guy who never
did no-one harm it's so cruel he's got this he isn't even 70 and its
put paid to the long happy retirement they planned) then she called
Boxing Day because he had a turn then yesterday he thought his other
son and kids were there (Dave's mum said they were going to Sonia's
dad- Sonia is my sort of SIL- Dave's mum regards me as a daughter even
through we are not married- for this Xmas since Sonia's mum died this
year but I do wonder whether she put them off) then she calls me
today almost in tears he's had two " really bad turns" today. Her
health isn't that good and she's coping on her own with no support-
apparently the nurses come every couple of months and he's always okay
when they come and also I strongly suspect she's been covering up but
now she's at her wits end.

He drove off after one of the "turns" and came back 10 minutes later,
fine again. I am not sure he should be driving but Dave's mum insists
he has been passed as fit to drive from a couple of things she has
let slip I have a sneaking feeling he did lose his license for a while
and drove when he shouldn't have. Dave's mum can't drive and they live
on the outskirts of town so she needs him to be able to drive so I
don't know to what extent she's trying to ignore that, she has
crippling meniere's disease and can't go out on her own.

Worse still, her other son Adam, she tells me is "in denial" about
this. Dave now feels he ought to email Adam ( we don't have a phone
number- long story basically Dave ran away from home when he was 16
and didn't get back in contact with his parents for a long time so
contacts with Adam tend to be Xmas cards and that's about it) but he
doesn't know what Adam knows so it's really hard to phrase a nice
email along the lines iof "Dad's losing the plot- we need to talk"

All I can really do is tell her she needs to talk to his specialist
and be more honest about what's going down and to ask for some more
help and support. Also my friend Alan, is something in mental health
care for the elderly so I should see him Wednesday and I can ask him
what he suggests

Of course it doesn't greatly help she firmly believes in "richer and
poorer in sickness and in health" etc and although she doesn't say it
out loud I think she's worried he may need to go in a home

So I may be overdrawn at the purr bank but would the furry managers
see fit to extending my purr overdraft?

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Thanks everyone

It gets more complicated since Dave emailed his brother. Turns out
whilst Dave's mum has for as long as any of us can remember touted his
brother as the "Golden Boy" (Good job, mortgage, wife and kids) he's
had enough of her. In fact, he says he's more or less washing his
hands of the whole matter while he accepts Dave's dad has some health
problems he thinks Dave's mum is making them worse by being the
manipulative so and so she is. He compared her (unfavourably) to
Hyacinth Bucket- well she is a bit like that, Dave remembers being
clobbered for not sitting with his back straight whilst watching telly
at home and I remember her being glad Dave had his hair cut and his
beard shaved off when he was in hospital and having to inform her that
"Personally I would rather he was sitting here at home healthy with
long hair and a beard" and she replied "At least he looks decent now!
I would be so ashamed if they'd called him my son before!"

Apparently when Adam called her over Xmas and mentioned their getting
a cat or two she said "You can't have those things!" and he feels she
has tried to control him and his life so I guess we can't expect much
help from there through I do think he is in someway a bit in denial-
yes I am starting to suspect mum isn't helping because she wants
things to be the same as they were (a normal reaction if you ask me)
but equally dad has a problem and Adam seems to think he doesn't- it's
just mum hassling dad and if she stopped doing it things would be okay
(There might be something in it, on Boxing Day Dave's mum put this
holly wreath on their front door when it got dark and two hours later
dad brought it in so she insisted he put it back out, which started
him off...when my Nan had Alzheimer's she would go into one if her
plate at the breakfast table wasn't in the right position so we made
sure it was and everything was fine- wouldn't it have been easier just
to let him take the wreath in and if it's that important to sneak it
out later?)

Dave swiftly changed the subject- as I say he hasn't had a lot of
contact with Adam and I think he was surprised to find some of the
"Golden Boys" opinions agreed with his own and now they're emailing
about jobs and things

Also Dave seems to have become the Golden Boy simply because I call to
ask how things were and he does as well also she was looking for a
freeview box and there's only one model she likes and Dave went online
and found a place where she can get two for less than what one place
wanted for one as well as having them delivered whereas she'd have to
collect them from the other place.

Read she's fallen out with Adam-I now get her giving me accounts of
how she loved Dave as soon as "they put him in my arms even through it
was a terrible shock with his hands", Funny-she used walk down the
street smacking him because she wondered what sin she had done that
God cursed her with a disabled child! Now she says she had to be tough
she could have done everything for him but she didn't and that's why
he's so independent

Yes okay she is manipulative she's been that for years- her latest one
is to lean on Dave, he's been asked if we'd consider moving a bit
nearer "there's some new flats being built only down the road" and if
he does "Well when we're gone, son, everything will be yours, the
house and all the money"

I did not have to put that idea out of his head. I could get a job up
there but Dave and his mum get on well as long as one of them is in
one place and one in the other- in close proximity the best they've
managed before she started criticising him is less than an hour.
Besides there's not a lot of point since if Dad can't drive she'll
need someone to drive her about and neither of us can drive. In a real
emergency we can go from City Airport and land in Edinburgh in less
than an hour- it's not like we've left the country (although I am
still thinking of Australia! Especially if Kylie the vet decides to go
home!)

Families- there's a lot to be said for being an orphan!

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

On Dec 30 2007, 4:36 pm, Lesley wrote:

So I may be overdrawn at the purr bank but would the furry managers
see fit to extending my purr overdraft?

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

You have an unlimited purrr line and my four are sending unlimited
purrs your way.
Julie, Hobbes, Lacey, Sam and Barnabus

"Lesley" wrote in message
...
Thanks everyone

It gets more complicated since Dave emailed his brother. Turns out
whilst Dave's mum has for as long as any of us can remember touted his
brother as the "Golden Boy" (Good job, mortgage, wife and kids) he's
had enough of her. In fact, he says he's more or less washing his
hands of the whole matter while he accepts Dave's dad has some health
problems he thinks Dave's mum is making them worse by being the
manipulative so and so she is. He compared her (unfavourably) to
Hyacinth Bucket- well she is a bit like that, Dave remembers being
clobbered for not sitting with his back straight whilst watching telly
at home and I remember her being glad Dave had his hair cut and his
beard shaved off when he was in hospital and having to inform her that
"Personally I would rather he was sitting here at home healthy with
long hair and a beard" and she replied "At least he looks decent now!
I would be so ashamed if they'd called him my son before!"

Apparently when Adam called her over Xmas and mentioned their getting
a cat or two she said "You can't have those things!" and he feels she
has tried to control him and his life so I guess we can't expect much
help from there through I do think he is in someway a bit in denial-
yes I am starting to suspect mum isn't helping because she wants
things to be the same as they were (a normal reaction if you ask me)
but equally dad has a problem and Adam seems to think he doesn't- it's
just mum hassling dad and if she stopped doing it things would be okay
(There might be something in it, on Boxing Day Dave's mum put this
holly wreath on their front door when it got dark and two hours later
dad brought it in so she insisted he put it back out, which started
him off...when my Nan had Alzheimer's she would go into one if her
plate at the breakfast table wasn't in the right position so we made
sure it was and everything was fine- wouldn't it have been easier just
to let him take the wreath in and if it's that important to sneak it
out later?)

Dave swiftly changed the subject- as I say he hasn't had a lot of
contact with Adam and I think he was surprised to find some of the
"Golden Boys" opinions agreed with his own and now they're emailing
about jobs and things

Also Dave seems to have become the Golden Boy simply because I call to
ask how things were and he does as well also she was looking for a
freeview box and there's only one model she likes and Dave went online
and found a place where she can get two for less than what one place
wanted for one as well as having them delivered whereas she'd have to
collect them from the other place.

Read she's fallen out with Adam-I now get her giving me accounts of
how she loved Dave as soon as "they put him in my arms even through it
was a terrible shock with his hands", Funny-she used walk down the
street smacking him because she wondered what sin she had done that
God cursed her with a disabled child! Now she says she had to be tough
she could have done everything for him but she didn't and that's why
he's so independent

Yes okay she is manipulative she's been that for years- her latest one
is to lean on Dave, he's been asked if we'd consider moving a bit
nearer "there's some new flats being built only down the road" and if
he does "Well when we're gone, son, everything will be yours, the
house and all the money"

I did not have to put that idea out of his head. I could get a job up
there but Dave and his mum get on well as long as one of them is in
one place and one in the other- in close proximity the best they've
managed before she started criticising him is less than an hour.
Besides there's not a lot of point since if Dad can't drive she'll
need someone to drive her about and neither of us can drive. In a real
emergency we can go from City Airport and land in Edinburgh in less
than an hour- it's not like we've left the country (although I am
still thinking of Australia! Especially if Kylie the vet decides to go
home!)

Families- there's a lot to be said for being an orphan!

Lesley

Families. Blech.

My MIL and I never got along. But in her last few years she still tormented
her daughter, the one she lived with, the one who took her in, with how much
she would rather live with us and how much nicer we were to her, etc.
Suddenly it seems I was a saint, after twenty years of her trying her best
to break up our marriage.

Sounds like Adam has chosen to believe what is expedient. That the
situation really isn't all that bad and there is really nothing he could do
to help in any case. Can't say I much blame him.

Jo

"Lesley" wrote in message
...
Thanks everyone

It gets more complicated since Dave emailed his brother. Turns out
whilst Dave's mum has for as long as any of us can remember touted his
brother as the "Golden Boy" (Good job, mortgage, wife and kids) he's
had enough of her. In fact, he says he's more or less washing his
hands of the whole matter while he accepts Dave's dad has some health
problems he thinks Dave's mum is making them worse by being the
manipulative so and so she is. He compared her (unfavourably) to
Hyacinth Bucket- well she is a bit like that, Dave remembers being
clobbered for not sitting with his back straight whilst watching telly
at home and I remember her being glad Dave had his hair cut and his
beard shaved off when he was in hospital and having to inform her that
"Personally I would rather he was sitting here at home healthy with
long hair and a beard" and she replied "At least he looks decent now!
I would be so ashamed if they'd called him my son before!"

Apparently when Adam called her over Xmas and mentioned their getting
a cat or two she said "You can't have those things!" and he feels she
has tried to control him and his life so I guess we can't expect much
help from there through I do think he is in someway a bit in denial-
yes I am starting to suspect mum isn't helping because she wants
things to be the same as they were (a normal reaction if you ask me)
but equally dad has a problem and Adam seems to think he doesn't- it's
just mum hassling dad and if she stopped doing it things would be okay
(There might be something in it, on Boxing Day Dave's mum put this
holly wreath on their front door when it got dark and two hours later
dad brought it in so she insisted he put it back out, which started
him off...when my Nan had Alzheimer's she would go into one if her
plate at the breakfast table wasn't in the right position so we made
sure it was and everything was fine- wouldn't it have been easier just
to let him take the wreath in and if it's that important to sneak it
out later?)

Dave swiftly changed the subject- as I say he hasn't had a lot of
contact with Adam and I think he was surprised to find some of the
"Golden Boys" opinions agreed with his own and now they're emailing
about jobs and things

Also Dave seems to have become the Golden Boy simply because I call to
ask how things were and he does as well also she was looking for a
freeview box and there's only one model she likes and Dave went online
and found a place where she can get two for less than what one place
wanted for one as well as having them delivered whereas she'd have to
collect them from the other place.

Read she's fallen out with Adam-I now get her giving me accounts of
how she loved Dave as soon as "they put him in my arms even through it
was a terrible shock with his hands", Funny-she used walk down the
street smacking him because she wondered what sin she had done that
God cursed her with a disabled child! Now she says she had to be tough
she could have done everything for him but she didn't and that's why
he's so independent

Yes okay she is manipulative she's been that for years- her latest one
is to lean on Dave, he's been asked if we'd consider moving a bit
nearer "there's some new flats being built only down the road" and if
he does "Well when we're gone, son, everything will be yours, the
house and all the money"

I did not have to put that idea out of his head. I could get a job up
there but Dave and his mum get on well as long as one of them is in
one place and one in the other- in close proximity the best they've
managed before she started criticising him is less than an hour.
Besides there's not a lot of point since if Dad can't drive she'll
need someone to drive her about and neither of us can drive. In a real
emergency we can go from City Airport and land in Edinburgh in less
than an hour- it's not like we've left the country (although I am
still thinking of Australia! Especially if Kylie the vet decides to go
home!)

Families- there's a lot to be said for being an orphan!

Lesley

Is it the Hindus that believe that the way you behave, and the things you
endure, in this life determine what you will be in your next life? Whoever
it is, if that is the case, in your next life you will be a pampered cat. I
don't think I've ever known anybody who had to deal with so many different
kinds of problems.

((((((((((Lesley))))))))

Joy

Sounds like Adam has chosen to believe what is expedient. *That the
situation really isn't all that bad and there is really nothing he could do
to help in any case. *Can't say I much blame him.

Believe me I am so tempted to agree with him!

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs

On Jan 5, 1:54*pm, "Joy" wrote:

. *I
don't think I've ever known anybody who had to deal with so many different
kinds of problems.

Many years ago someone told me God never gives you more than you can
carry

At this moment in time my prayers tend to be along the lines of:

"Oh God thou art all knowing etc but you got my carrying capacity
wrong!"

Lesley

Slave of the Fabulous Furballs