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Thank you all (LONG)
First of all I want to thank everyone of you for the messages, candles
(thanks Adrian), common sense advice from Tweed and Sherry who understand (as I am sure you all do) I am currently second guessing and doing a ton of "What if's"etc My head knows I did the right thing- my heart is still breaking. I was maybe about as coherent as I was going to be just after it happened. I was upset when we first went to the vet and the vet thought she had a good chance if her bloods were okay I called Dave and said "Seems like she'll make it.....okay she'll bankrupt us but who cares?" then had to call 1/2 an hour later and tell him the bad news. (Vet was a bit funny- she was technically very competent as far as I can tell but made no attempt to even stroke Dunzi- she tipped her out the carrier, asked me a couple of pertinent questions "Does she go out?" "Do you have any lillies in the house?" then felt her all over, listened to her chest, shoved the thermometer in okay she could tell she was ill but then the next thing she's sitting at her computer explaining to me without even looking me in the face Dunzi needs to go to the emergency clinic and they need to do this to stabilise her and they need to do a blood test oh and can I afford at least £600? I ended up feeling a bit like some guy in the old days discussing with his girlfriends father his prospects... "Look I have £4K on my card, a £4.5k overdraft if I need it etc"As it was the bill for a swift examination/a blood test/ a drip/one shot each of pain killer/ antibiotic/ pre euthanasia sedation/ Vitamin P and disposal via general cremation (I am giving the amount they would have charged for individual cremation between the local shelter and the Celia Hammond charity in her memory and both will be very grateful for a not inconsiderable donation to put it mildly) was almost £300 and there was hard sell on the cremation from the vet- the nurse was much nicer) Anyway I shan't use them again...Thursday I called Kylie to let her know what happened and to apologise for not having called her but their practice doesn't open Wednesdays (there is an emergency number beats me why I didn't use it- wasn't thinking straight) and Friday I got a card with the Rainbow Bridge poem from Kylie, which was sweet of her Thursday morning I went to work GOK only knows how...as soon as I got in I was crying (come to think of it James was going into the office before me and asked me if I was okay so I was crying before I got in) so I asked for the afternoon and Friday off.....A lot of people said they were sorry, Ali said "Been through it" Dr G said he was dreadfully sorry and felt I shouldn't take time off "you'll only mope" like he didn't understand that's why I wanted the time off... Linda G the Ice Queen cried in front of me as she recalled cats she had lost herself the last person I would have expected to be so sympathetic ... I think I spent Thursday crying non stop pretty much everything felt weird I opened the book I had been reading just before Dave called me and it felt strange- I came home and for a cat that used to just crash out all over the place she's left a vast emptiness. I can't get used to coming in and out without having to look to make sure she didn't get past me and do her "Dirty little stop out" routine Now it's hitting me at weird times....I noticed today a week or so ago Adrian had posted on FB that he hoped I'd use my new camera to get some good photos of the cats and I replied "With this camera they're 8 and it'll be a race against time" and that cracks me up... Thursday I was trying to post on my phone and the spellchecker popped up "Press + to delete Dunzi" and I couldn;t stop crying. Finding her picture on my phone was bad I jsut kissed my phone and ignored funny looks I had to get a new litter tray (I meant to last weekend) Friday and the realisation I no longer need the extra large as I now have 1 cat not 2 left me sobbing helplessly in "Wilkinsons" (Some people have asked if I'll "get another one"- not sure if that would be fair on Sarsi, I mean certainly not right now....depends on how she is when we have to leave her alone for a few hours at the end of the month and like Tweed I am not saying "NO" but rather "If a starving waif turned up outside well it would be my duty as a slave to bring them in and feed them") Friday I got totally upset- for years when it comes to daytime naps, Sarsi has slept on the bed and Dunzi has meatloafed by the side of my chair (her chair actually she just graciously allowed me to sit on it and was there to make sure as soon as I got up she could have it back) so what happens Friday morning? As I am sitting on the chair getting dressed I see a small black cat meatloafing next to my chair and just for a second I forget and lean over only to find Sarsi has decided to sit in Dunzi's place Oh yes Sarsi.....She's been looking everywhere for Dunzi- Friday Dave admitted he put her on his lap and tried to tell in English (a coarse language as far as cats are concerned) what happened to Dunzi half way through she smacked him on the face.... Truth is whilst she's looking for her (I am not making some sort of value judgement here since she is a cat) I think she wouldn't be unhappy if she doesn't reappear (which she won't). They used to be buddies (Dave tells me Wednesday when Dunzi was laying on her side, Sarsi came over licked her then sat next to her for a time) as kittens they could hardly be seperated then there was a short period when Sarsi was the alpha then over the last 18 months to 2 years if I am honest Dunzi started to bully Sarsi Take Wednesday night (Over the last few years there were 2 ways to find if Dunzi was about one was to feed her and the other was to call Sarsi over at which point Dunzi would come out from wherever she was lurking, barge your hand away from Sarsi and if Sarsi got close she'd smack her one) I was sitting and I saw Sarsi in the doorway so I called her over and she trotted towards me carefully looking at the sofa all the time as she expected to be pushed aside/attacked by Dunzi Once again thank you all and thank you for listening o my ravings and it is still with such immense sadness I must sign myself Lesley Slave of the Fabulous Furball |
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