For you Job Hunters OT, maybe

"badwilson" wrote in message
...
Cheryl Perkins wrote:
wrote:
I'll say!! That sounds traumatic. And your mother sounds like she was
useless in that situation. Hope that doesn't insult you - my own
mother was useless when my father went into one of his abusive rages.

I think what really gets me in this is that he didn't even bother to
try to teach you, he just wanted to punish you for not already
knowing.

While I don't know Britta's father, he may well have *tried* to teach
her. Like others on this group, I've suffered through the attentions
of actual teachers, particularly at the University level, who really
tried to teach me but suffered from a combination of lack of
knowledge of teaching (and it is partly a learned skill, although
some people are 'born teachers') and complete bafflement at my
reaction when they've simplified the problem until it is (to them)
like 1 + 1 = 2, and I *still* don't get it! It's often very difficult
for such people to realize that their 'simple' approach contains a
lot of assumptions and maybe problem-solving techniques they do
automatically and a beginner, especially one who is weak in the
subject, has never heard of.

But they're trying to teach. They just aren't doing a good job of it!

Yes, he did try. He quickly solved a problem in front of me. That's his
way of teaching. To his thinking, that should have been plenty for me to
learn it. When he noticed that I wasn't doing the problems, it would have
never occured to him that I needed better teaching. I'm certain he
believed that I was just not doing the work in order to try to defy him.
Which is why he'd get so mad at me.


You said recently in another post that your father seems to think the world
revolves around him. If that is the case, it is entirely possible that he
would get just as upset, maybe even more upset to think that you couldn't do
the problems than to think you wouldn't.

That sort of person will often see anything they perceive as failure on
THEIR child's part as failure on their own part. And they cannot accept
failure.

Jo

Jo Firey wrote:

"badwilson" wrote in message

I'm certain he
believed that I was just not doing the work in order to try to defy him.
Which is why he'd get so mad at me.

You said recently in another post that your father seems to think the world
revolves around him. If that is the case, it is entirely possible that he
would get just as upset, maybe even more upset to think that you couldn't do
the problems than to think you wouldn't.

That sort of person will often see anything they perceive as failure on
THEIR child's part as failure on their own part. And they cannot accept
failure.

Yes!

I even had a friend years ago whose mother could not accept that she
(my friend) would ever experience unhappiness for any reason. If my friend
was unhappy, her mother felt at fault, as she believed this implied she
was a bad mother. In her mind, being a good mother meant that her children
were always happy.

But rather than trying to fix the daughter's problem, or apologizing for
her "bad mothering", she would offload her guilt onto my friend, and blame
*her* for the situation - thus making my friend even *more* unhappy!

Not that I think her mother should have been apologizing or trying to
fix my friend's problems, as those aren't particularly healthy responses,
either. But they're better than blaming the unhappy person!

Joyce

Jo Firey wrote:
"badwilson" wrote in message
...
Cheryl Perkins wrote:
wrote:
I'll say!! That sounds traumatic. And your mother sounds like she
was useless in that situation. Hope that doesn't insult you - my
own mother was useless when my father went into one of his abusive
rages.

I think what really gets me in this is that he didn't even bother
to try to teach you, he just wanted to punish you for not already
knowing.

While I don't know Britta's father, he may well have *tried* to
teach her. Like others on this group, I've suffered through the
attentions of actual teachers, particularly at the University
level, who really tried to teach me but suffered from a combination
of lack of knowledge of teaching (and it is partly a learned skill,
although some people are 'born teachers') and complete bafflement
at my reaction when they've simplified the problem until it is (to
them) like 1 + 1 = 2, and I *still* don't get it! It's often very
difficult for such people to realize that their 'simple' approach
contains a lot of assumptions and maybe problem-solving techniques
they do automatically and a beginner, especially one who is weak in
the subject, has never heard of.

But they're trying to teach. They just aren't doing a good job of
it!

Yes, he did try. He quickly solved a problem in front of me. That's
his way of teaching. To his thinking, that should have been
plenty for me to learn it. When he noticed that I wasn't doing the
problems, it would have never occured to him that I needed better
teaching. I'm certain he believed that I was just not doing the
work in order to try to defy him. Which is why he'd get so mad at me.


You said recently in another post that your father seems to think the
world revolves around him. If that is the case, it is entirely
possible that he would get just as upset, maybe even more upset to
think that you couldn't do the problems than to think you wouldn't.

That sort of person will often see anything they perceive as failure
on THEIR child's part as failure on their own part. And they cannot
accept failure.

Yes, that is quite true. Kind of like when I fell off a donkey at age
11 and broke my upper arm. My arm stuck out at an almost 90 degree
angle for 4 days before they took me to the doctor for xrays. They just
couldn't grasp the fact that something like this had happened in *their*
family! They figured it was just a sprain and would heal on it's own.
By this time it had started to heal, but needed re-setting. So I had to
have it re-broken :-(
--
Britta
Purring is an automatic safety valve device for dealing with happiness
overflow.
Check out pictures of Vino at:
http://photos.yahoo.com/badwilson click on the Vino album

badwilson wrote:

Yes, that is quite true. Kind of like when I fell off a donkey at age
11 and broke my upper arm. My arm stuck out at an almost 90 degree
angle for 4 days before they took me to the doctor for xrays. They just
couldn't grasp the fact that something like this had happened in *their*
family! They figured it was just a sprain and would heal on it's own.

Oh my god, that sounds like a really severe break - you must have
been in a lot of pain!

By this time it had started to heal, but needed re-setting. So I had to
have it re-broken :-(

Aaaargh!! What a nightmare.

Joyce

On 12 Aug 2006 01:11:47 GMT, wrote:

badwilson wrote:

Yes, that is quite true. Kind of like when I fell off a donkey at age
11 and broke my upper arm. My arm stuck out at an almost 90 degree
angle for 4 days before they took me to the doctor for xrays. They just
couldn't grasp the fact that something like this had happened in *their*
family! They figured it was just a sprain and would heal on it's own.

Oh my god, that sounds like a really severe break - you must have
been in a lot of pain!

By this time it had started to heal, but needed re-setting. So I had to
have it re-broken :-(

Aaaargh!! What a nightmare.

Back in 1989, I fell and broke my left little finger. This was at a
Fourth of July picnic, on a Saturday, and I thought that I had merely
sprained the finger, so I just stuck my hand in a bowl of ice and
stayed for the remainder of the picnic.

By Monday, when the swelling hadn't gone down any, I realized that I
probably had more than just a sprain. I went to my general
practitioner, who sent me to an outpatient clinic for X-rays. He
didn't get the X-ray results back from the lab until the next morning.
At that point, he sent me to an orthopedic specialist.

The specialist was able to tell that my finger was broken even before
taking an X-ray, just by looking at my finger (which looked merely
swollen, rather than crooked, to my layman's eye). The X-ray he took
showed that the two halves of the bone were at a 60-degree angle to
each other, rather than in a straight line, and had started to fuse
back together in the wrong position.

They gave me a shot of pain-killer in my hand before rebreaking the
bone, but apparently didn't give me enough, or else didn't wait long
enough for it to finish taking effect. The rebreaking process hurt
worse than breaking the bone the first time.

The little finger had to be set in a position splayed outward somewhat
from the rest of my fingers. Even now, although I now have the full
range of motion back in that finger, the position it takes when I
relax my hand is somewhat separate from the other fingers, and I get
occasional arthritis flare-ups in that finger joint. For the first
couple of months of healing, the joint was so sensitive to changes in
air pressure that going up a few floors in an elevator, or driving
over a hill, was enough to make the finger ache.

--
John F. Eldredge --
PGP key available from http://pgp.mit.edu
"Reserve your right to think, for even to think wrongly is better
than not to think at all." -- Hypatia of Alexandria